Do you often feel pressured or even burned out by other people’s demands and requests? Are you unable to say “no” when a relative, let’s say your boss, a friend, or a family member, asks something of you? If you answered yes to these questions, then you might be a people-pleaser.

People-pleasing happens when individuals feel compelled to please and satisfy others’ needs, even at the expense of their own. They frequently go to great lengths to achieve their goal, which may ultimately lead to exhaustion. 

Here are 11 signs to help you figure out if you are a people-pleaser: 

  1. You are pleasant and agreeable with everyone. 
  2. You want to be liked by everyone and need others’ approval and validation. 
  3. You don’t know how to say “no”.
  4.  You struggle to stand up for yourself and set boundaries (or feel guilty doing it).
  5. You put other people’s needs ahead of your own. 
  6. You are often qualified as “nice” and would hate to be called “selfish”.
  7. Criticism and disapproval are very disturbing for you. 
  8. You “conform” and “adapt” yourself to the people around you. 
  9. You avoid conflict and confrontation at all costs. 
  10. You are very accommodating and tolerant with others, yet you put yourself to high standards. 
  11. You over-apologize. 

Conclusion: 

If you recognize yourself in a majority of the 11 signs, you probably are a people-pleaser. Give yourself a pat on the back, though, as becoming aware of your psychological patterns is the first step towards change!

Keep in mind that this list is not exhaustive and there are other, more detailed manifestations of the people-pleasing syndrome. If you want to delve deeper into this topic, we suggest reading additional resources, such as the best-selling book by Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D.: “The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome.”

Resources:

  • Braiker, H. B. (2001). The disease to please: Curing the people-pleasing syndrome. McGraw-Hill