Attachment theory defines attachment as the emotional bond that develop between a child and their caregivers, typically the parents, during infancy. This theory identified different attachment patterns in children following the exposure to an artificial laboratory experiment, in which a mother and child were temporarily separated. These attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized—later manifest in adulthood, particularly in romantic relationships.

Here is an overview of these attachment styles in the frame of adult relationships:

Secure attachment

The secure attachment style comprises the majority of the population, precisely 50%. Securely attached people are comfortable with intimacy in relationships. They easily form long-term committed relationships and are prone to consider sex and emotional intimacy as one. In dating, they express their needs early on and tend to lose interest quickly when they detect inconsistent behaviors or a lack of reciprocity. They make reliable partners, capable of responding to their partner’s needs and effectively resolving conflict. Research suggest that secure attachment is only partly determined by early relationships with caretakers; other variables such as genetics, an easy temperament, and romantic experiences in adulthood, also play a role.

Anxious attachment

Anxious attachment style applies to 20% of the population. Individuals with this attachment “crave” intimacy and experience a lot of insecurities about their relationships. They are more often in relationships than not and struggle to resolve conflict effectively. Their fears of abandonment and rejection lead them to interpret minor events as threats to the relationship, resulting in hypervigilance and anxiety. This is referred to as activating strategies. When their attachment system is activated, they typically try to reestablish contact with their partner through protest behavior such as repeatedly texting, waiting anxiously for a phone call, or conversely acting manipulative, playing games, or attempting to make their partner jealous.

Avoidant attachment

People with an avoidant attachment style represent 25% of the population. These people tend to avoid intimacy and can send mixed signals while dating. They may or may not be in relationships, but they often manage to maintain emotional distance from others. In partnerships, they may be insensitive to their partner’s needs, offering little availability and retreating during disagreements. To protect their independence, which they highly value, they use distancing strategies, such as focusing on their partner’s flaws, fantasizing about “the one” or an ex-partner and becoming involved with unavailable people with whom a future is unlikely.

Disorganized attachment

The remaining category is referred to as disorganized attachment style. It applied to 3 to 5% of the population and combines characteristics from both anxious and avoidant styles.  

Conclusion:

If you’re still unsure of your attachment style, you might consider taking the ECR questionnaire (Experience in Close Relationship), especially the revised version ECR-R, available at http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl.

Keep in mind that attachment styles are not fixed categories and may evolve over the course your life, especially if you decide to engage in therapy. If you want to go deeper, we suggest reading the best-selling book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love.

Resources:

  • Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love. TarcherPerigee.